In most cases, you have two ways of further developing your definition argument (or any argument, for that matter). You can add new paragraphs (for additional reasons or refutation, for instance) or you can further develop an existing paragraph (by adding more evidence or explanations to your existing reason). In either case, further development requires that you pay careful attention to the structure of your paragraph.
Consider the development of the paragraph below.
| As though the environmental dangers were not enough, the hog factories are endangering the independent farmer as well. Some communities have put up with the overpowering stench (which hangs for miles on still days and may blow several miles in windy conditions) and the degradation to their drinking water supplies in the belief that the operations will bring jobs to their employment-starved communities. The hog factories' overall economic impact, however, comes like a staggering blow. Rhonda Perry reveals that "every low-wage job created by large hog factories puts three independent family farmers out of business." Smaller family farms are having a difficult time competing with the hog factories because many hog factories are beginning-to-finish operations that cover the whole span of the pork industry. Many of the factories have slaughtering, processing, and packing facilities right on the same grounds as the hogs are raised, saving time and money in transportation as the pigs quickly go from farrowing and fattening to slaughter and processing. This setup gives the hog factory owners a distinct advantage over the independent farmer, who must ship hogs to distant slaughtering facilities. In 1993, for instance, "45% of the pork market share was controlled by the four largest corporations" (Perry). The main threat posed by these few corporations is "'the problem of access to markets. As a few mega-corporations gain control, they dictate their own terms and squeeze out the small guy,' said Suzette Hatfield, state coordinator for the [Oklahoma Family Farm] Alliance" (National Farmers Organization). The toll on the family farm has been enormous: ominously, the number of independent pig farmers has declined by 68% between 1970 and 1997 (Missouri Coalition for the Environment). It is absurd to think of these operations as farms: they are clearly corporate industries (many with overseas owners) with industrial-sized economic clout and industrial-strength waste. |
Even though the paragraph uses three separate
sources and presents quite a bit of evidence, notice in the chart below
that the presentation of evidence doesn't overwhelm the student's own original
argument. The evidence, highlighted in blue, is very obviously subordinated
to the student writer's work black. Notice that this student reserves the
strategic parts of the paragraph for her own argument: beginning,
after evidence, and end.
| As though the environmental dangers were not enough, the hog factories are endangering the independent farmer as well. Some communities have put up with the overpowering stench (which hangs for miles on still days and may blow several miles in windy conditions) and the degradation to their drinking water supplies in the belief that the operations will bring jobs to their employment-starved communities. The hog factories' overall economic impact, however, comes like a staggering blow. Rhonda Perry reveals that "every low-wage job created by large hog factories puts three independent family farmers out of business." Smaller family farms are having a difficult time competing with the hog factories because many hog factories are beginning-to-finish operations that cover the whole span of the pork industry. Many of the factories have slaughtering, processing, and packing facilities right on the same grounds as the hogs are raised, saving time and money in transportation as the pigs quickly go from farrowing and fattening to slaughter and processing. This setup gives the hog factory owners a distinct advantage over the independent farmer, who must ship hogs to distant slaughtering facilities. In 1993, for instance, "45% of the pork market share was controlled by the four largest corporations" (Perry). The main threat posed by these few corporations is "'the problem of access to markets. As a few mega-corporations gain control, they dictate their own terms and squeeze out the small guy,' said Suzette Hatfield, state coordinator for the [Oklahoma Family Farm] Alliance" (National Farmers Organization). The toll on the family farm has been enormous: ominously, the number of independent pig farmers has declined by 68% between 1970 and 1997 (Missouri Coalition for the Environment). It is absurd to think of these operations as farms: they are clearly corporate industries (many with overseas owners) with industrial-sized economic clout and industrial-strength waste. |
Now look at the underlying structural elements
and how they work together to support the paragraph's claim. Most paragraphs
open with some kind of transition, topic sentence which makes the reason
claim, explanation of topic issue, presentation of evidence, explanation
or relevancy of evidence, short conclusion to the paragraph which frequently
ties the topic to the overall thesis.
| As though the environmental dangers were not enough (transition to move the discussion from environmental pollution to economic threat), the hog factories are endangering the independent farmer as well (topic sentence or claim or reason). Some communities have put up with the overpowering stench (which hangs for miles on still days and may blow several miles in windy conditions) and the degradation to their drinking water supplies in the belief that the operations will bring jobs to their employment-starved communities (explanation of the situation described in the topic). The hog factories' overall economic impact, however, comes like a staggering blow (restating the claim). Rhonda Perry reveals that "every low-wage job created by large hog factories puts three independent family farmers out of business" (presentation of evidence). Smaller family farms are having a difficult time competing with the hog factories because many hog factories are beginning-to-finish operations that cover the whole span of the pork industry (explaining why the evidence is true). Many of the factories have slaughtering, processing, and packing facilities right on the same grounds as the hogs are raised, saving time and money in transportation as the pigs quickly go from farrowing and fattening to slaughter and processing (still explaining the evidence). This setup gives the hog factory owners a distinct advantage over the independent farmer, who must ship hogs to distant slaughtering facilities (still explaining the evidence). In 1993, for instance, "45% of the pork market share was controlled by the four largest corporations" (Perry) (presentation of evidence). The main threat posed by these few corporations is "'the problem of access to markets. As a few mega-corporations gain control, they dictate their own terms and squeeze out the small guy,' said Suzette Hatfield, state coordinator for the [Oklahoma Family Farm] Alliance" (National Farmers Organization) (presentation of evidence). The toll on the family farm has been enormous (directing the reader's reaction to the evidence): ominously, the number of independent pig farmers has declined by 68% between 1970 and 1997 (Missouri Coalition for the Environment) (presentation of evidence). It is absurd to think of these operations as farms (directing the reader's reaction to the evidence): they are clearly corporate industries (many with overseas owners) with industrial-sized economic clout and industrial-strength waste (wraps up point of this paragraph and explicitly makes the link back to the thesis: pig factories are not farms but, rather, industries). |
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